Let's Change the World Through Writing

It's hard to stay positive when things around you keep falling apart.  I can't help but worry about the economy, especially since my retirement fund has dwindled down to nothing.  And about the war in Iraq, especially since my daughter is deploying there.  And about jobs, especially since I work for a non-profit organization that relies on donations.  The status of my career seems completely out of my control--something that feels new and scary.  Three staff positions have been eliminated; who will be next in line?

Once a breath of fresh air, now the cooler, grayer days seem a fitting metaphor for the problems of life. While I usually enjoy these early October days, these last  few have done nothing but bring me down.  There is too much blaming and too few solutions... too much fear mongering and too little hope...too much bad news and too many sleepless nights. I lie awake thinking about my children and grandchildren.  What will their futures bring?

Yes, change is needed--desperately!

Things seem bleakest during the dark of night, but daylight brings only modest comfort. Meditation and prayer seems to help. There is solace in the silence that allows God to speak.  Are my questions worthy of answers?  Sometimes God's voice is hard to discern.

One activity that seems to calm me most is writing. By being creative, I feel as if I'm contributing something meaningful.  I send cards, I compose my letters and I write my blog.  It helps, not only to write, but to read what others have written.  

 So, while I apologize for the recurring gloominess of my blogs, I will continue posting.  It takes me away from the news and it becomes therapy, a kind of creative balance, a symbiosis that  counters the weight of the world against the lightness of the spirit.  I hope my fellow writers will continue as well.   Perhaps, together, we can bring about the tipping point that turns the tide toward fresh ideas and new hope.  May the gloominess be only temporary.

Dissing Disagreeable-ness

I drove my son-in-law to the airport this morning.  He is on his way to San Antonio for a weekend workshop and he asked if I could drop him off at O'Hare.  So, by 7:30 this morning we were on our way, leaving a little bit earlier than he wanted in order to avoid the bulk of rush hour traffic.

I have to admit that I was a little bit nervous about the drive. While I don't mind at all driving expressways or tollways, I do mind the traffic that rush hour brings.  Large semis make me paranoid about my little Cruiser. Visions of being first crunched and then run over come to mind as I attempt to merge my way into oncoming traffic.  Some drivers are more courteous than others, actually changing lanes in order to accommodate the driver attempting to enter into the flow of traffic.  "Come on in!"  their courtesy conveys.  Others are less inviting.  Acting as if they own the road, these drivers stand their ground, almost daring the newcomer to even think about trying to merge.  Yes, it's not for the faint of heart, this Chicago traffic!  It requires skill, patience, courage and chutzpah--things that only years of driving in high speed traffic teach you.

But it wasn't just the traffic that I worried about.  It was the company itself.  My son-in-law is a great guy, good husband and father, very intelligent.  But, politically, we just don't see eye-to-eye.  Things got a little bit heated the last time we talked politics. Yes, when politics come up, I know it's time to do one of two things--either change the subject or pack up and go home.  It's just easier to keep the peace that way.

So, when he began talking about the financial bailout, I got nervous. Where was this leading?  Hmm...hopefully, we wouldn't argue about each candidate's strengths and weaknesses.  And let's avoid altogether the subject of how each should respond--debate vs. not debate, and things like that. Democrats vs. Repulicans-- Nope!  We don't agree when it comes to conservatives, moderates and liberals.

But today's conversation took a different route.  We actually agreed!  We agreed that this bailout is not only troubling but dangerous, a way of making government bigger at taxpayer's expense, with no guarantee of ultimate success.  We also agreed that since neither one of us is an economist, armchair or otherwise, we don't understand all of the ins-and-outs of the situation.  Those decisions are best left, we supposed, in the hands of the "experts."  We only know what it's like to work hard, pay bills, be accountable. All this talk of corporate bailout seems unfair to both of us.  We had no answers, but questions abounded as we bantered back and forth.

So after all of my angst, it ended up being both an easy drive and a delightful conversation with a person I respect and admire, even though we see things differently.  That's the way it should be:  a fair exchange of different ideas is what makes this country work.  The checks and balances of government need to be upheld in order to keep things balanced in terms of power and authority.   Differing points of view need to considered.  Diversity is a gift that needs to be celebrated and appreciated  instead of feared.  

The financial crisis is just the latest issue facing us.  There are many others that need to be addressed.  It's not just about the presidential candidates; we can all debate the issues in our attempt to find solutions. America IS free speech!  Let our voices be heard remembering:  Civility and mutual respect works wonders.  There is generally no one right or one wrong answer, but the truth is somewhere in the middle. Whether we agree or disagree, let us do it without being disagreeable.  It can be done.  My son-in-law and I have succeeded, proving that anything is possible.

Moving on Toward Happiness

"Maybe it's time to move on," Tanya thought to herself.  Although she knew she loved Jim, she also knew that more often than not she felt completely and absolutely drained by the relationship.

"Perhaps it would be easier if we could be together," she thought.  She understood the warnings that people had given about the hardship of maintaining a long distance relationship.  All they could do was talk on the phone; no date nights, no sitting in front of the TV, no kisses or hugs.  Just words.  It seemed that lately Jim overanalyzed every sentence she spoke.  Her words were taken out of context and used against her.  Tanya felt that either Jim didn't love her or that he loved her too much, in some weird possessive way that made her uncomfortable.  

Sure, she went out with friends and, sure, some were men. But they travelled in groups and everything was completely innocent.  She had no interest in other men, no interest in flirting or pursuing any romantic relationship.  All of her friendships were completely platonic, so why didn't Jim trust her?  

She understood some of his reasoning, of course. She had lied to him once but that was long ago, and she was only telling him what he wanted, or needed to hear. She didn't mean to betray his trust.  Rather, she was trying to protect his feelings.  And, in a way, trying to protect herself. Tanya knew that she was wrong, but it hadn't seemed like that big a deal at the time. Apparently it was, at least to Jim.

And now, because they weren't together physically, she had no way to prove that she was being truthful.  He doubted everything--every friendship she told him about, every outing she enjoyed without him.  What was she supposed to do--sit alone in front of the TV every night?

For a few days Tanya had even considered giving up her career and relocating just to be with him.  She believed that being together would solve everything.  

"We love each other; surely we can fix these problems," they both believed. But that was several weeks and countless arguments ago. Tanya no longer believed that now.  

"Will tonight's call turn into another shouting match?"  she wondered.  "Will he yell at me again about what a liar I am?  I don 't want to hear those ugly names he calls me.  Maybe I just won't answer the phone."  

And yet, she still held on to the dream of love that they once shared.  So when the phone rang, Tanya answered out of curiosity, hoping that maybe this time would be different.  Accepting the call, her confidence deflated as Jim spoke.  Nothing had changed for him.  It was clear to Tanya:  she could not continue; it was time for both of them to find some peace in moving on.

Tanya decided then and there.  She blocked his emails and subscribed to caller I.D., enabling her to ignore his attempts at communication.  She loved Jim and always would. She had grown in this relationship and she hoped to remember the good times they shared.  But right now Tanya needed to take care of herself.  Moving on was the only way for her to renew her sense of worth.  Her happiness depended on it.

It's a Freedom Thing

I had my hair cut super short a couple of weeks ago. I immediately experienced a newfound feeling of freedom! No more primping, being slave to the blower dryer and flatiron. Now it's just gel it up, brush and go! 5 minutes and I'm ready.

"Why should only men have this advantage?" I asked myself. And so I went for it.

Besides being slave to hair styling tools, I felt held hostage by the beauty industry and the way they define "feminity." $100 salon appointments included coloring and cutting. Now--gone, if not forever at least for awhile. I'm going natural; let's see how much gray I actually have. And then I'll decide. From now on, I'm going to decide what beauty is, at least for me.

Yes, I'm free--free to decide for myself and to express myself.

Kathryn's Joy

Misunderstood. That's how Kathryn feels much of the time. And this day was no different. In her excitement at seeing them, Kathryn ran cirlces around her friends. Whooping and holllering, she alternated: first running, then hopping--calling out names as she did so.

"Logan! Isabelle! Emma!" The names became mantras of Kathryn's joy! The other children may have wondered what she was up to, but they didn't show it. They stood there, reveling in the attention that Kathryn poured out upon them. And then, as often happens when children come together, their own happiness overflowed. They all began running in circles, laughing and shouting out each other's names and the names of those yet to arrive. Round and round they all ran as if chasing each other in endless pursuit.

Their mothers became unglued. They didn't know what to make of all of the uncontrolled energy--crackling like electricity in the air surrounding them. Something had to be done.

"These kids are out of control!" exclaimed Mrs. McPheerful.

"Yes! We need to do something!" agreed Mrs. Power.

"Kathryn started it! She always gets the others all riled up!" said the judge's wife. "Make her behave!" she demanded of Kathryn's mother.

"Yes! She's always the instigator. She should be punished!" Mrs. Law proclaimed.

Aware and attentive in spite of her activity, Kathryn overheard the conversation. She didn't understand.

"Am I doing something wrong?" she wondered. "I'm just being happy It's fun to run and play! Why do they think I'm bad?"

Puzzled, she stopped running and looked at her mother, hoping for answers. In her wisdom, her mother smiled at Kathryn and winked.

"Kathryn's just being Kathryn," she told others. "She's excited to see her friends. And, what better place to run in circles than out here on the lawn?"

Reassured of her goodness, Kathryn smiled back, scrunching her face into a crooked wink of her own. Then she began to run again, singing this time around.

Her mother relaxed.

"Look how happy Kathryn is today," she thought to herself. "The pure innocence of childhood is so fleeting. Why squelch it? We should all be rejoicing in the beauty of this fall day."

Like Kathryn, she was a leader in her own right. With wisdom and composure, Kathryn's mom stepped up and stood her ground, advocating on Kathryn's behalf. By not bowing to the pressure of her peers, she learned something about being a mother. Gazing at her daughter, her heart was filled.

"Love is unconditional," she reminded herself.

For their part, the other mothers, too, began to relax and enjoy the moment. Laughing at the their children's antics, they remembered something of what it was like to be a child. And they understood. It wasn't that Kathryn was misbaving. None of them were. Kathryn knew that life was to be celebrated. She was full of joy and her running helped to spread it throughout the group. When it settled upon them, they caught it, too. Joy is contagious.